My owner has been asking other dog owners this question for months…

“What do you do when your dog is freaky?”

He’s a first-time owner and isn’t used to some of the freaky things we can do. I don’t know what the big deal is.

Dusty, the author, getting ready to get freaky.

For instance, every time we go to a dog park, I start following females, and if they’ll let me, I’ll lick their hind quarters until I foam at the mouth. My owner is disgusted by this but I’m an unfixed male and haven’t known female companionship before. This is as good as it gets for me! My name is Dusty but he started nicknaming me “Disgusty.” Wow.

Yesterday, we went to a park and a very nice female pitbull mix squatted down in front of my face and peed right under my nose. I happily lapped it up like it was champagne! My owner yelled at me for this. What?!

This kinda stuff is par for the course. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been playing around with other males and they try to mount me. Our owners go nuts, but it’s nothing sexual. We’re just trying to show dominance over each other. Leave us alone! We know what we’re doing.

Another thing I love, but my owner hates is I have developed a fondness for gobbling up all the rabbit and squirrel poop in our backyard. I spend most of my outside time scouring every inch of the yard with my nose to the ground like a pig rooting for precious truffles. My owner used to throw tennis balls at me to get me to stop, but another dog owner told him that it won’t hurt me to eat these little gumdrops. They’re all vegetarian and might actually be good for me!

So to all you dog owners who are scratching your head over your freaky dog, I say, “Let dogs be dogs.” You do some pretty freaky things, too. Yes, that’s right, we see what you’re doing when you think no one is looking!

What to do when your dog is freaky

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